Just a girl

Hi everyone! Made a new MFP. Please add me!! username: Skinnytobepretty

I just really want to be lovely

starting over…..tomorrow. bum bum bum.

I just won’t spend time here. I mean I fucking live here because I’m stuck here, but I can’t spend my time here. I’ll turn into the most boring human being on the face of the planet and that’s not me. I’ll be at school whenever I can and when I can’t I’ll be at the library, the gym, with friends, wherever. I’ll fucking sit outside in the freezing cold. I just can’t be in the insane vortex of a house.

I feel like I’m having an emotional breakdown. I moved back home after college because I’m in grad school and I have 4 months left until I leave but I literally think I’m going to die. Like I cant do this. All my parents do is eat and watch TV. Literally. Nothing else. I’m panicking. I can’t stand it. Every time I hear the pantry door open or the crunch of a chip bag I just want to die. I can’t be here. I can’t drown in nothingness with them. The thing that scares me the most is they don’t even seem to care or notice that they do NOTHING. What if I end up like that? I mean they raised me. And I notice myself sinking more and more into their lifestyle. I want to fucking scream and run out of here and live anywhere I can find. I am actually suffocating. I didn’t change out of my pajamas and I ate all day. It’s Saturday. I’m 23 years old. This isn’t right. I have to do things. I have to have a purpose. This can’t be life. They can’t be happy can they? Are they happy? Do they not even care about anything but TV and food? Do I? WHAT THE FUCK AM I? WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE. ———>Panic attack.

Saw a guy who did this on my dash just now. I was obsessed with the idea. His list was way longer and better. But fuck it.

Also….Yup. These are totally in order.

#1:

I wasn’t ready

You slept with her the day after

I slapped your face (hard.)

#2:

Screams and “I love you’s”

I found you far too early

The rest mean nothing.

#3:

Actually cared

But temporarily so

I miss number two.

#4:

“Shit, what is his name?”

Oh well, too boring to care

Hate you, tequila.

#5

I always said no

I liked our twisted game better

The game’s over now.

I think I’ll start actually using my tumblr. I usually just come here to look at cool things and cool people who I feel like have cooler things to say than me. But I’m going to start writing. So why not do it here?